Assalamualaikum & Goodday
"abt 'i am muslim' - i dono if u'd appreciate this book bcos ko mmg dah alim beb"
hehehehh....dat was zid's comment on my last entry (which was centuries ago :P). Aku alim ek zid? i wish la. but i do appreciate the comment.
frankly, i'm not an alim guy la. believe me....i'm not. i was a better muslim when i was in school (due to my school's orientation la). then, i used to memorize surah as-sajjadah, al mulk, and some of the short surahs. i did my sembahyang sunat, read the Al-Mathurat and etc, etc. well, that was then.
sincerely, i miss those moments. i guess it's true then, if u wanna be an alim person, make sure u hang out with alim people. i'm very thankful to my parents for sending me to an islamic school eventhou i strongly objected :P b
my early days in ppp was confusing. ppp exposed the real deal of life. i was shocked when i saw a couple holding hands, boys & girls sitting together in one table. i just couldnt accept it. i tot these people were 'rosak akhlak'. i was in a dilemma. 'a dilemma of an ex budak sekolah agama'. then i realized that this was the real challenge as a muslim.
when i was in school, i was not challenged. i mean all the girls wore tudungs, courting (yup we do have couples in a sekolah agama ok) was done in a very conservative manner ie. send notes instead of meeting and chatting. the only time we could have a taste of 'maksiat' & 'lagho'ness is when we went for outing in seremban. itu pon, tak sempat nak layan lama2 coz when we got we back to school we were again fed with all the islamic values. somehow we repented due to the constant reminder. dat's why i was a better muslim then.
in ppp, the good muslim in me started to shy away. slowly & convincingly. i started to allow myself to sin with the thinking 'sekali-sekala apa salahnya'. things that i never tot i'd do, i did. ie wearing short masa main hoki. some would say 'alaa....pakai short pon nak kecoh ke?'. well, what's haram is always haram rite. it's true that wearing short didnt make me a bad person, but was i a good muslim?
i could still remember the guilty feeling i had while i was playing in shorts then. in my mind 'jangan la aku mati masa tengah pakai short nih....hiiiii sumpah lepas ni taknak pakai dah'. ehehhe...tapi since i'm weak, lepas tu pakai jugak la. poyo....
now, i'm still struggling to be a muslim i was nearly 14 years ago. i think i'm getting there la. to me, b4 u try something advance such as tarikat, sufi, make sure u fullfill the rukun islam & rukun iman first. once that is covered only u can proceed. remember :
ilmu tanpa amal itu rugi
amal tanpa ilmu itu gila
rite now i'm in the former punya group. which is bad. if u have the knowledge but still cant refrain urself from doing bad things, how? dunno la how to answer to God when he asks nanti. i'm so weak and helpless la.
anyways, about I AM MUSLIM. I had a mixed feeling after reading it. i was a bit frustrated coz i was expecting some real opinion by the writer. i feel that dina was only compiling her own and other people's experience on practicing the religion but she keeps her own opinion close to her chest. she never really expressed her own stand on the issues discussed. instead, she usually leaves the issue hanging so that we could form our own opinion. which is very good too. readers would have the opportunity to reevaluate him/herself after reading it.
all in all, there is a reason why we are all 'confused' muslim. to me, it's due to our inability to vision our lives beyond this world. we say we believe in the afterlife (beriman kepada hari kiamat), but we never really believe it, do we? coz if we do, we'd never do the things we do ie. tak semayang, tak pose, tak tutup aurat, tak baca quran, tak ajar isteri & anak2 kita pasal islam (nih utk para suami la ye)etc etc.
but always remember that God is Most Gracious Most Merciful. as long as we show that we are serious, sincere and determine to be on His path, He will grant us the will to do so. dat my frens, is the toughest challenge of all, to be serious, sincere and determine....
ok la babai. Dont forget to VOTE eh!!!! Exercise your rites!!!!
