Penat ah....

I must say, it has been weird being in the office. The office seems to be too big for me. I feel lonely. I guess I miss being in INTAN. That's actually the scary part. Me? Missing INTAN? Nope, I don't think its INTAN. I missed my QA course. I missed my friends, missed the class, missed the after class activities, missed the oblivious-of-what's-going-on-in-the-office feeling. huh....

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The office welcomed me with a stack of unattended files and letters. A scene that I reluctantly had to admit - my responsibility. Ah....bila la nak start belajar nih.

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I checked with my QA friends. They too have the same feeling. Laziness. It's a disease lah. After six weeks of coursing, it's natural to feel like this right? Or maybe I just don't have that spirit anymore. The spirit to serve. Hopefully, I'll be having a better and productive week next week.

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Anyways, I sat for my GRE exam last Tuesday. Mann....it was damn hard. The english section made me feel like a kindergarten student. Every words seemed to be a new word. It's no child play I tell you. The math section was not helping either. But at least you could try to calculate. In english, if you don't know the word, there's no way you can answer the questions. Ah....there goes my RM850.00.

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So far, I've spent nearly RM2k of my own money for my Master's Degree - TOEFL, GRE, postal cost, application cost. Takleh claim plak tu. I know I'm drilling a hole in my pocket. I just hope it's worth it. Moral of the story, if you guys want to further study, don't go to US. Opt for Uk or Aussie. They are much cheaper. I guess there is a silver lining in this. Anything worth doing is never easy right?

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Ok la people. I notice that this entry has stopped making any sense now. ehehehh....so I guess it's time to stop. See you guys later....

Bersamamu ni memang la.....

Aku memang tak suka tengok Bersamamu (TV3). Sebab banyak sangat cerita sedih. Yup, I'm sentimental like that. Sedih siot tengok ramai lagi yang hidup susah. Insaf sebab diri aku ni beruntung sangat.

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Tadi aku tertengok jugak Bersamamu. Citer pasal satu couple OKU ni. Diorang dapat anak normal. Yang isteri tu cakap diorang menangis sebab syukur sangat anak diorang normal. Masa dia cakap tu, aku dah goyang dah. Bukan goyang pasal apa...terharu and tumpang gembira.

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Pastu dia citer plak dia and suami tak dapat nak beri makan, nak jaga sendiri anak sebab kekurangan diorang. Dia kata dia hanya bleh tengok je bila anak tu nangis sebab tak boleh nak tolong. Masa dia cakap tu, dia sebak. Aku pon ikut sebak jugak. Hish....memang sayu ah.....aku boleh faham la. Walaupun aku bukan OKU, tapi aku pernah rasa la perasaan tu - HELPLESS.

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Masa tu Alif baru lahir. Masa Alif lahir tu, aku tgh kursus DPA kat Intan. Aku lari la balik rumah kejap. Aku sempat dua hari je, pastu kena balik Intan. Masa aku balik tu, wife aku call, dia cakap Alif kena tahan kat hospital pasal kena demam kuning.

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So weekend tu, aku balik, terus shoot pegi hospital. Sampai hospital, terus pegi tempat demam kuning tu. Kat situ banyak la baby yg kena kuning, sumer lepak bawah lampu tu.

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So aku pegi la tengok alif, masa tu misi tak bagi aku pegang sebab dia baru je duduk bawah lampu tu. Masa aku sampai tu jugak la Alif mula menangis. Masa dia menangis tu aku bleh tengok je la, nak pegang takleh. Aku automatically rasa sayu sangat. Aku rasa helpless sangat sebab takleh nak buat apa. Rasa macam tak gunanya jadi bapak kalo takleh tolong anak sendiri. Mengalir air mata aku masa tu.

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Walaupun, benda tu bukan besar sangat. Kena demam kuning je. Tapi dalam keadaan camtu, ko akan rasa sayu gila.

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Tu orang kata adat dunia - ujian Tuhan. Ada yang kawen, Tuhan uji dengan susah dapat anak. Ada yang dapat anak, Tuhan uji takleh nak pegang anak sendiri. Ada yang dapat anak, Tuhan uji plak dengan anak yang kurang sempurna. Semua ada bahagian masing-masing. Tuhan itu maha adil.

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Tapi manusia yang paling lahanat dan jahanam adalah orang yang bakar baby sendiri. Memang cilakaaaa!!!!!! Harap ko mati nanti mati terbakar la. Baru ko rasa betapa sakitnya mati dalam keadaan camtu.

6 tahun dah berlalu....

6 years ago, I made a decision. A big one. I was not sure whether it was the right decision. I wasn't sure whether I would be happy. I wasn't sure whether it suited me.

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But today, I'm still thankful and grateful to God for guiding into making this decision. I'm happy and proud of my job.

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Happy anniversary PTD 1/2004!!!!

Now they burn babies? WTF?!!!!

Did you watch the news this evening? Some f**ker burnt a one day old baby. Son of a bitch!!!!

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I was so furious, profanities went out of my mouth like nobody business. F**k!!! What the hell is going on here??!!! Have we lost our senses? Have we lost our mercy? Have we lost our faith? Have we lost our love? Are we still human?

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This idiot threw an innocent baby into a dumpster and then burnt it. Crazy psycho f**ker. This inhumane act rates this f**ker as the lowest of the lowest scums in the history of humankind. F**k!!!

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You don't cancel out your sins by committing another sins la stupid. If you don't want the baby, don't kill him. Give it away la. There are a lot of childless couples and I'm sure they are more than happy to embrace and care for the baby.

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I don't know what your fate is f**ker, but it's between you and GOD. If it's up to me, you'll rot in hell forever.

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This would be the saddest thing that I have ever watched in TV so far. The scene of the burnt baby was so sad. So sad it turned into anger.

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The Jabatan Agama must do their jobs. Stop giving out ceramah for money. Yeah, I know for sure you are giving your ceramahs for money! That is all you could think under you shiny skull cap. Shame on you la ustazs and ustazahs. Please stop hiding behind the microphone and claim that is your dakwah. Come on, focus on the real problems. Start doing your jobs as the so called 'pendakwah'.

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The youth are straying away and still you do nothing about it? Wake up!! I know it is not exclusively up to the people of Jabatan Agama. The society too need to play their role. But at least those who claim they have the ilmu must lead.

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All I can do now is to pray that this will happen to my family. Simpang malaikat 44. I swear I would give them love and the necessary ilmu. Ya Allah bantulah hambuMu yang lemah ini....

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p/s: sorry for the harsh entry. I'm just so sad and angry

2 down, 1 to go

Just finished my statistics exam today. What a relief.....

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I was a little bit worried. Dulu-dulu kan, we spent a whole semester to cover the syllabus. But in this course, we had less than a week to cover everything. Crazy I tell you.

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Of course, I did study stats in uni and in DPA. But that was ancients ago. My brain apparently got a bit rusty now. That, combined with my natural born laziness, compounded my gelabahness.

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The only thing that calmed me was that it was an open book test. I usually hate open book test, because it is damn hard. But given the short time frame, I guess it's a bargain. The calculation part is not a biggy. But the theory part. It's really a pain in the butt!

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I hope to pass this exam la. It would be a real torture to sit for it again. I'm not asking much, just pass. So far, I think I could see the light la. Hope is there. Jangan ada black out dah la.

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You guys pray for me la eh. Nanti aku belanja teh tarik :)

Hello

I've been busy lately. No mood to update though I do have a lot to rant. Dunno why la.

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Currently I'm in INTAN undergoing the compulsary 6-week Quantitative Analysis course. This week is week 4. It's actually relaxing. Not much pressure. And I'm back in INTAN's dormitory. Never thought I'd be back to stay in one of these rooms again.

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All the DPA routines come back to haunt me. The long and uphill journey to the dining hall. The 11 pm curfew. The constant reminder that we are 'peserta kursus' - INTAN will always be INTAN.

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But of course, it's not as strict as DPA. We could make use of the elevators. Transport is provided form class to the dining hall. The curfew is not actually enforced. But I do try my best to be back by 11 la. Just to make sure not to push them too hard. Politik beb politik.

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Ok la. I'll be back in the office in the final week of February. Still a long way to go. See you guys then la eh. Babai!