Uneasy

I have this uneasy feeling regarding the happenings in this country lately. Something is wrong. Something is not right.

Since I work outside the city, I could sense the feelings of the 'orang-orang kampung'. They too are feeling this uneasiness. But of course, these people, being brought up in full tradition and culture of the people in this part of South East Asia, didn't say anything out loud.

They were taught not to hurt other people's feeling even though their hearts are aching. They were taught to avoid conflicts as far as possible. These people, even though they are crying inside, they will themselves to force a smile. Reminds me of Micheal Jackson :)

One of the first thing taught to my friends and I when we first reported for government service was that we need to learn to 'memendam rasa'. Of course then, we didn't know what 'memendam rasa' was. After more than five years, I'm now immune to it. I'm immune to this uneasiness.

I'm immune to people who speaks cheaply just to be the hero of the day and then would be the first to chicken out when the first sign of failure surfaces. He would run as far and as fast as possible so that others would have to clean up his messy concoction of stupidity and arrogance. Once everything is back to order, the coward freak will come back and claim everything to his name. As usual, the person who did the actual damage control would 'memendam rasa'.

I think we need to stop this memendam rasa culture. It's not healthy. This was the way the British treated us when they were here. They said, they were the Tuans, so need to abide to everything they have to say. But now, they are long gone, we are the Tuans. We need to speak up. Do not let others who do not have the right to speak in the first place, speak. Eventually, we'll be left behind.

Like one of my friends said about me in her blog, I'm trying to make sense of the happenings around me. She is right. I'm trying. I believe others are trying too.

At time like this, I'll listen to this song to cheer me up. Hope it'll cheer you guys too.

Disini lahirnya sebuah cinta

Yang murni abadi sejati

Disini tersemai cita cita

Bercambah menjadi warisan

Andai ku terbuang tak diterima

Andai aku disingkirkan

Kemana harusku bawakan

Kemana harusku semaikan cinta ini

Betapa

Dibumi ini ku melangkah

Keutara selatan timur dan barat

Ku jejaki

Aku

Bukanlah seorang perwira

Gagah menjunjung senjata

Namun hati rela berjuang

Walau dengan cara sendiri

Demi cinta ini

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji

Sepanjang kedewasaan ini

Ku ingin sampaikan pesanan

Aku lah penyambung warisan